Zombie Status.

Well, if you know anything about running and/or follow me on Twitter, you know this morning was the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon. I won't go into great detail, but I volunteered, was there at 3 am and was up for over 24 hours. When I got home, I slept for about 2 1/2 hours before my neighbors woke me up. Soooo, I'm still extremely tired and not in the best of moods, but I am glad I was at the Princess 1/2! I loved being there.

In other news, any pain I relieved in my leg yesterday afternoon has now come back because while volunteering (I was supposed to be at the TNT tent but got moved to the finish line), I was w/ a group of people that wanted to tell others what to do and literally not help. LITERALLY. I am moving huge and heavy boxes of bananas, oranges, powerade, lunabars, ect., and literally like these 3-4 other people are standing around talking or saying, "why don't you go down there and ask for some blue powerades?", instead of just helping me unload the red ones or asking themselves. No, they were not Team Leaders trying to bounce from place to place to organize and make sure stuff got done and designating tasks to people....they were volunteers. Just like me. Green access pass. First time being there. UGH. Seriously, if you're going to Volunteer, especially for something like this with thousands of runners, do your part. Anyways, my freaking legs hurt bad again and I am typing this with ice packs on them.

Now a new dilemma comes in. Recommitment. Mine is scheduled for 3/3. For some, it is a no brainer, "Of course you recommit!," well......I'm not sure I can and not just because of my legs. The main reason is the fundraising. I like to think of myself as an achiever. Sometimes I'm an over-achiever, but I am *always* an achiever. Always. Which is why it bothered me so bad that those folks just stood around this morning. You sign up for a job and now you need to do it. Well, I signed up to raise money for cancer and train for a marathon, now I need to do it (well, I have been, but you know what I mean). The thing is, I am a full time student w/ no income. The only checks w/ my name on it come from financial aid and that is never guaranteed each term, varies from amount, and only comes every 6 months (if that) and has to last me as long as I can make it last. So, if I recommit and don't meet my goal in fundraising, I'm going to get charged for that  remaining amount. I can't afford that, literally. At most, I can afford what I have put back in savings for an emergency, but I don't want to do that if I don't have to because, well, like I said, it's for an emergency.

I was promised fundraising help by a lot of people, NONE of which have pulled through. When I started TNT, it was (is) in honor of my mom's friend's father who found out he had lymphoma right before I joined. I got all this talk about helping (I've known her my whole life), and n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Again, you say you're going to do something, then do it. It really bothers me when people don't pull through on their word, so this ticks me off. I have raised about $1,300 on my fundraising page and have about $300 in cash/checks that need to be added and/or turned in; so around $1,600. That is still $1,100 to raise and in a shorter amount of time than I raised the $1,600. I can only shove cupcakes in so many people's faces before they don't want to buy them anymore. I can't plan an event ahead of time (say during next month) because my classes change every month and I don't know my schedule until right before....and then again, people bail on it. It doesn't help that my team is over an hour away from me, so with gas prices a billion dollars a gallon, it's even harder to get to them (or them to me) to help with something, not to mention the horrendous traffic. (There was/is a TNT team about 10 min from where I live, but I was told I couldn't join them for the event I wanted to do....................). It's such a mess. I love TNT and what it is for and I am all about beating cancer (all kinds), but I'm closer w/ TNT members that I've met on Twitter than I am with most people from my actual chapter. What was I thinking?

So, to recommit or not is the question and I have until Thursday evening to figure it out. Either way, I'm going to be stressed. Stressed about figuring out how to raise $1,100 more dollars or stressed that I failed people and let them down. I don't like to set myself up for failure and that is what I've done. I'm a firm believer in praying to God for a sign, and I have been about this every day. Well, either He hasn't given me the answer yet or I'm too blind to notice it.

I need a good run and can't even go do that.