I am laughing at myself. :)
I think I'll film some funny stuff for this blog this weekend/next week. I'm actually a funny character if you really get to know me. <3
Friday, March 11, 2011
Accent vlog!
Ok, so I did an accent vlog! I hate recording in regular color and in black and white...so, I used the thermal camera. Get over it. :) (horrible angle for me...but whatever.)
If you’re interested in following along (or doing this on your own blog!), here’s the list:
The Accent Vlog: Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught
- What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
- What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
- What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
- What do you call gym shoes?
- What do you say to address a group of people?
- What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
- What do you call your grandparents?
- What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
- What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
- What is the thing you change the TV channel with?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
So, yeah. :/
I have a ton of things I want to blog about and have the intentions of doing so tonight, but something else has been bothering me and I just need to get it all out. I'm not sure if I'm doing this in hopes of support, encouragement, advice, or just to get it out...but either way, I need to vent.
So, if you know me well, you know I have a tumor called a prolactinoma. It is considered a brain tumor although it is technically on the pituitary gland, but that is right up against your brain, so...it's a brain tumor. Depending on the size of your tumor, it can also push up against your optic nerve and damage your eye sight (which mine is doing). I will post a link at the bottom of this blog from the National Brain Tumor Society that has information on the tumor if you are interested in learning more about it. But, let me tell you, reading the symptoms and what it can do to you is NOTHING compared to experiencing it. I am very thankful I do not have cancer, I can't imagine that, but I know this tiny pea-sized tumor has changed my life.
Some of this may be TMI for some, but, this is real life, so deal with it...
In February of 2008, I moved back to FL from GA (and TN, too). Well, in August I realized that I had not had my period in 2 months. I was always irregular, so missing a month didn't really bother me and I knew I wasn't pregnant, so I didn't think much of it. Well, Sept came and I had gained about 10 lbs (in one month, that is a lot), still no period, went up a cup size in my bra (TMI, I don't care...this is real life), and started eating things I normally didn't eat, and by that I mean I was craving things I normally hated. So, here came October. Still no period, gained about 10-15 more lbs and I was still eating odd things. At this point, I knew something was wrong with me. I knew I wasn't pregnant, so why was I acting like I was? Not to mention, along with all of these things going on, I was constantly sleepy, nauseated, and overly emotional. Not a good combo. Well, at the end of October, I went to my friend who was a nurse (I worked at a Dr's office) and told her what was going on. She said she'd order some blood work for me and since my mom worked at that office too, I knew I had to tell her.
So, I did and she freaked out because she thought I was pregnant. I kept reassuring here that I wasn't and after about a week, she finally believed me. So, my blood work was abnormal and so I went to my ob-gyn and he ran some more blood work on me. Well, he tested my prolactin level and it was 249. The normal range for someone my age who is NOT pregnant is 0-49. Sooo, my hormones were those of someone who was about 28471389561347 years pregnant...and I WAS MISERABLE. So, I had an MRI done and all to confirm the tumor, and there it was! A little pea-size tumor from HELL. I started going to an Endocrinologist who put me on some meds to shrink the tumor. Well, those meds made me so sick that I had to take 3 other pills daily as well just to keep myself from throwing up and having migraines. Then, 6 months into treatment, my levels had only come down to about 240, so my meds got increased. Yeah, that's fun....
About 6 months after that, I got laid off along with a bunch of other people due to downsizing. It was great timing because I was about to start school full time, but not great for someone with a medical problem because I would no longer have insurance. (Side note: BCBS only paid $5 of my $250 medications every month because it was a "non-formulary" pill...WHY did I even pay for insurance??) So, now it has been almost 2 years that I have not had medication for my tumor. I can't work full time to get insurance because I go to school full time. I can not get Medicaid because...well, they never really gave me a good reason but I have been denied 4 times. I can't get into the health dept here without paying out the butt because of the money I get for school...I guess they don't care that the money actually goes to school and NOT ME. I can work out a payment plan with my Endo to see her, but there are no labs around here to get my blood work done that will work out a payment plan...and ONE of my lab test is over $200...and I need to have 3 tests done every 3-6 months.
This tumor can not only damage my sight (or leave me blind), but it also makes most women that have them infertile. While some women with this tumor still have children of their own, it is difficult, especially if they are still on the medication to shrink the tumor, and often they have to have fertility drugs. Basically, this tumor makes your body think you are pregnant. You do not ovulate, so how could you get pregnant? You can't. And that bothers me. They say if your tumor goes untreated for a long time before you begin treatment, even if your tumor shrinks, it can still prevent you from having your own kids because of damage already done.
I have always wanted to adopt if ever get to a place in my life where I want kids. But, I wanted adoption to be because it is what I wanted to do, not because it was my only choice. That sounded kinda bad, but what I mean it...I will still adopt, but it hurts to know that I don't have the option of ever actually having my own child. But, occasionally I think about it and it makes me want to cry. Maybe God put the desire to adopt in me because He knew this was going to happen. He prepared me for a life where I would adopt my children.
I also know that there are not a lot of clinical trials for this type of tumor....or awareness/education. I do understand how other types of tumors are life threatening and more severe, but this tumor has changed my life forever as well...not to mention the life of the man I marry (should I get married). The NBTS does events and fundraising, but not a lot is done on the east coast. I'm going to try to get at least a 5k planned and done in FL before I move at the end of September.
I know I do a lot of fundraising for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, but I am going to start my own little mission (I'm calling it Prolacti-NO-MORE since the tumor is Prolactinoma, haha) and I am going to be doing fundraising for NBTS as well. I want there to be more awareness about this kind of tumor and how many women (and men, they can get this tumor too) it has an impression on and changes their life.
I pray that by the end of the year I have landed a full time job and have benefits so I can start that horrible medication again. It's a bad treatment, but it's a treatment!
Anyways, had to get that off my chest. This tumor has changed my life...and it pisses me off that all these things happen while I'm trying to be a good person and help others, and not even I can get medical treatment for myself.
Link to National Brain Tumor Society's page about this tumor:
http://www.braintumor.org/patients-family-friends/about-brain-tumors/tumor-types/pituitary-tumors.html
So, if you know me well, you know I have a tumor called a prolactinoma. It is considered a brain tumor although it is technically on the pituitary gland, but that is right up against your brain, so...it's a brain tumor. Depending on the size of your tumor, it can also push up against your optic nerve and damage your eye sight (which mine is doing). I will post a link at the bottom of this blog from the National Brain Tumor Society that has information on the tumor if you are interested in learning more about it. But, let me tell you, reading the symptoms and what it can do to you is NOTHING compared to experiencing it. I am very thankful I do not have cancer, I can't imagine that, but I know this tiny pea-sized tumor has changed my life.
Some of this may be TMI for some, but, this is real life, so deal with it...
In February of 2008, I moved back to FL from GA (and TN, too). Well, in August I realized that I had not had my period in 2 months. I was always irregular, so missing a month didn't really bother me and I knew I wasn't pregnant, so I didn't think much of it. Well, Sept came and I had gained about 10 lbs (in one month, that is a lot), still no period, went up a cup size in my bra (TMI, I don't care...this is real life), and started eating things I normally didn't eat, and by that I mean I was craving things I normally hated. So, here came October. Still no period, gained about 10-15 more lbs and I was still eating odd things. At this point, I knew something was wrong with me. I knew I wasn't pregnant, so why was I acting like I was? Not to mention, along with all of these things going on, I was constantly sleepy, nauseated, and overly emotional. Not a good combo. Well, at the end of October, I went to my friend who was a nurse (I worked at a Dr's office) and told her what was going on. She said she'd order some blood work for me and since my mom worked at that office too, I knew I had to tell her.
So, I did and she freaked out because she thought I was pregnant. I kept reassuring here that I wasn't and after about a week, she finally believed me. So, my blood work was abnormal and so I went to my ob-gyn and he ran some more blood work on me. Well, he tested my prolactin level and it was 249. The normal range for someone my age who is NOT pregnant is 0-49. Sooo, my hormones were those of someone who was about 28471389561347 years pregnant...and I WAS MISERABLE. So, I had an MRI done and all to confirm the tumor, and there it was! A little pea-size tumor from HELL. I started going to an Endocrinologist who put me on some meds to shrink the tumor. Well, those meds made me so sick that I had to take 3 other pills daily as well just to keep myself from throwing up and having migraines. Then, 6 months into treatment, my levels had only come down to about 240, so my meds got increased. Yeah, that's fun....
About 6 months after that, I got laid off along with a bunch of other people due to downsizing. It was great timing because I was about to start school full time, but not great for someone with a medical problem because I would no longer have insurance. (Side note: BCBS only paid $5 of my $250 medications every month because it was a "non-formulary" pill...WHY did I even pay for insurance??) So, now it has been almost 2 years that I have not had medication for my tumor. I can't work full time to get insurance because I go to school full time. I can not get Medicaid because...well, they never really gave me a good reason but I have been denied 4 times. I can't get into the health dept here without paying out the butt because of the money I get for school...I guess they don't care that the money actually goes to school and NOT ME. I can work out a payment plan with my Endo to see her, but there are no labs around here to get my blood work done that will work out a payment plan...and ONE of my lab test is over $200...and I need to have 3 tests done every 3-6 months.
This tumor can not only damage my sight (or leave me blind), but it also makes most women that have them infertile. While some women with this tumor still have children of their own, it is difficult, especially if they are still on the medication to shrink the tumor, and often they have to have fertility drugs. Basically, this tumor makes your body think you are pregnant. You do not ovulate, so how could you get pregnant? You can't. And that bothers me. They say if your tumor goes untreated for a long time before you begin treatment, even if your tumor shrinks, it can still prevent you from having your own kids because of damage already done.
I have always wanted to adopt if ever get to a place in my life where I want kids. But, I wanted adoption to be because it is what I wanted to do, not because it was my only choice. That sounded kinda bad, but what I mean it...I will still adopt, but it hurts to know that I don't have the option of ever actually having my own child. But, occasionally I think about it and it makes me want to cry. Maybe God put the desire to adopt in me because He knew this was going to happen. He prepared me for a life where I would adopt my children.
I also know that there are not a lot of clinical trials for this type of tumor....or awareness/education. I do understand how other types of tumors are life threatening and more severe, but this tumor has changed my life forever as well...not to mention the life of the man I marry (should I get married). The NBTS does events and fundraising, but not a lot is done on the east coast. I'm going to try to get at least a 5k planned and done in FL before I move at the end of September.
I know I do a lot of fundraising for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, but I am going to start my own little mission (I'm calling it Prolacti-NO-MORE since the tumor is Prolactinoma, haha) and I am going to be doing fundraising for NBTS as well. I want there to be more awareness about this kind of tumor and how many women (and men, they can get this tumor too) it has an impression on and changes their life.
I pray that by the end of the year I have landed a full time job and have benefits so I can start that horrible medication again. It's a bad treatment, but it's a treatment!
Anyways, had to get that off my chest. This tumor has changed my life...and it pisses me off that all these things happen while I'm trying to be a good person and help others, and not even I can get medical treatment for myself.
Link to National Brain Tumor Society's page about this tumor:
http://www.braintumor.org/patients-family-friends/about-brain-tumors/tumor-types/pituitary-tumors.html
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Zombie Status.
Well, if you know anything about running and/or follow me on Twitter, you know this morning was the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon. I won't go into great detail, but I volunteered, was there at 3 am and was up for over 24 hours. When I got home, I slept for about 2 1/2 hours before my neighbors woke me up. Soooo, I'm still extremely tired and not in the best of moods, but I am glad I was at the Princess 1/2! I loved being there.
In other news, any pain I relieved in my leg yesterday afternoon has now come back because while volunteering (I was supposed to be at the TNT tent but got moved to the finish line), I was w/ a group of people that wanted to tell others what to do and literally not help. LITERALLY. I am moving huge and heavy boxes of bananas, oranges, powerade, lunabars, ect., and literally like these 3-4 other people are standing around talking or saying, "why don't you go down there and ask for some blue powerades?", instead of just helping me unload the red ones or asking themselves. No, they were not Team Leaders trying to bounce from place to place to organize and make sure stuff got done and designating tasks to people....they were volunteers. Just like me. Green access pass. First time being there. UGH. Seriously, if you're going to Volunteer, especially for something like this with thousands of runners, do your part. Anyways, my freaking legs hurt bad again and I am typing this with ice packs on them.
Now a new dilemma comes in. Recommitment. Mine is scheduled for 3/3. For some, it is a no brainer, "Of course you recommit!," well......I'm not sure I can and not just because of my legs. The main reason is the fundraising. I like to think of myself as an achiever. Sometimes I'm an over-achiever, but I am *always* an achiever. Always. Which is why it bothered me so bad that those folks just stood around this morning. You sign up for a job and now you need to do it. Well, I signed up to raise money for cancer and train for a marathon, now I need to do it (well, I have been, but you know what I mean). The thing is, I am a full time student w/ no income. The only checks w/ my name on it come from financial aid and that is never guaranteed each term, varies from amount, and only comes every 6 months (if that) and has to last me as long as I can make it last. So, if I recommit and don't meet my goal in fundraising, I'm going to get charged for that remaining amount. I can't afford that, literally. At most, I can afford what I have put back in savings for an emergency, but I don't want to do that if I don't have to because, well, like I said, it's for an emergency.
I was promised fundraising help by a lot of people, NONE of which have pulled through. When I started TNT, it was (is) in honor of my mom's friend's father who found out he had lymphoma right before I joined. I got all this talk about helping (I've known her my whole life), and n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Again, you say you're going to do something, then do it. It really bothers me when people don't pull through on their word, so this ticks me off. I have raised about $1,300 on my fundraising page and have about $300 in cash/checks that need to be added and/or turned in; so around $1,600. That is still $1,100 to raise and in a shorter amount of time than I raised the $1,600. I can only shove cupcakes in so many people's faces before they don't want to buy them anymore. I can't plan an event ahead of time (say during next month) because my classes change every month and I don't know my schedule until right before....and then again, people bail on it. It doesn't help that my team is over an hour away from me, so with gas prices a billion dollars a gallon, it's even harder to get to them (or them to me) to help with something, not to mention the horrendous traffic. (There was/is a TNT team about 10 min from where I live, but I was told I couldn't join them for the event I wanted to do....................). It's such a mess. I love TNT and what it is for and I am all about beating cancer (all kinds), but I'm closer w/ TNT members that I've met on Twitter than I am with most people from my actual chapter. What was I thinking?
So, to recommit or not is the question and I have until Thursday evening to figure it out. Either way, I'm going to be stressed. Stressed about figuring out how to raise $1,100 more dollars or stressed that I failed people and let them down. I don't like to set myself up for failure and that is what I've done. I'm a firm believer in praying to God for a sign, and I have been about this every day. Well, either He hasn't given me the answer yet or I'm too blind to notice it.
I need a good run and can't even go do that.
In other news, any pain I relieved in my leg yesterday afternoon has now come back because while volunteering (I was supposed to be at the TNT tent but got moved to the finish line), I was w/ a group of people that wanted to tell others what to do and literally not help. LITERALLY. I am moving huge and heavy boxes of bananas, oranges, powerade, lunabars, ect., and literally like these 3-4 other people are standing around talking or saying, "why don't you go down there and ask for some blue powerades?", instead of just helping me unload the red ones or asking themselves. No, they were not Team Leaders trying to bounce from place to place to organize and make sure stuff got done and designating tasks to people....they were volunteers. Just like me. Green access pass. First time being there. UGH. Seriously, if you're going to Volunteer, especially for something like this with thousands of runners, do your part. Anyways, my freaking legs hurt bad again and I am typing this with ice packs on them.
Now a new dilemma comes in. Recommitment. Mine is scheduled for 3/3. For some, it is a no brainer, "Of course you recommit!," well......I'm not sure I can and not just because of my legs. The main reason is the fundraising. I like to think of myself as an achiever. Sometimes I'm an over-achiever, but I am *always* an achiever. Always. Which is why it bothered me so bad that those folks just stood around this morning. You sign up for a job and now you need to do it. Well, I signed up to raise money for cancer and train for a marathon, now I need to do it (well, I have been, but you know what I mean). The thing is, I am a full time student w/ no income. The only checks w/ my name on it come from financial aid and that is never guaranteed each term, varies from amount, and only comes every 6 months (if that) and has to last me as long as I can make it last. So, if I recommit and don't meet my goal in fundraising, I'm going to get charged for that remaining amount. I can't afford that, literally. At most, I can afford what I have put back in savings for an emergency, but I don't want to do that if I don't have to because, well, like I said, it's for an emergency.
I was promised fundraising help by a lot of people, NONE of which have pulled through. When I started TNT, it was (is) in honor of my mom's friend's father who found out he had lymphoma right before I joined. I got all this talk about helping (I've known her my whole life), and n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Again, you say you're going to do something, then do it. It really bothers me when people don't pull through on their word, so this ticks me off. I have raised about $1,300 on my fundraising page and have about $300 in cash/checks that need to be added and/or turned in; so around $1,600. That is still $1,100 to raise and in a shorter amount of time than I raised the $1,600. I can only shove cupcakes in so many people's faces before they don't want to buy them anymore. I can't plan an event ahead of time (say during next month) because my classes change every month and I don't know my schedule until right before....and then again, people bail on it. It doesn't help that my team is over an hour away from me, so with gas prices a billion dollars a gallon, it's even harder to get to them (or them to me) to help with something, not to mention the horrendous traffic. (There was/is a TNT team about 10 min from where I live, but I was told I couldn't join them for the event I wanted to do....................). It's such a mess. I love TNT and what it is for and I am all about beating cancer (all kinds), but I'm closer w/ TNT members that I've met on Twitter than I am with most people from my actual chapter. What was I thinking?
So, to recommit or not is the question and I have until Thursday evening to figure it out. Either way, I'm going to be stressed. Stressed about figuring out how to raise $1,100 more dollars or stressed that I failed people and let them down. I don't like to set myself up for failure and that is what I've done. I'm a firm believer in praying to God for a sign, and I have been about this every day. Well, either He hasn't given me the answer yet or I'm too blind to notice it.
I need a good run and can't even go do that.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Ugh. Stupid bones.
So, I have to be up in 2 hours to get ready to head over to Disney for the Princess 1/2. No, I'm not running it, but I am volunteering and will be working the TNT Tent from 3-11a.m. Seeing how I normally sleep from about 5am-12pm, this is going to be a loooong night/day. I got up at 9:30am Saturday and will most likely be awake until 1 or 2 on Sunday...or whenever I get home. Coffee will get me through...I hope.
Anyways, last weekend I did a 5k w/ my friend Lea. She just started walking/jogging and this was her first 5k so it was a big deal for her and I wanted to be there to motivate her and keep her from slacking off. Well, honestly, I figured I'd just walk the whole thing w/ her and didn't wrap/compress my legs. Instead, I did a lot of intervals; running ahead for 5 min and then running back to wherever she was then and then walking for a couple minutes. So, let's just say it has been a struggle for me to even WALK this week. For those of you that don't know, I suffered multiple stress fractures in late '06. I had 2 in my right tibia (one so bad it was almost completely broke through my bone), 2 left tibia, 1 left femur, and my left cuneiform bones were fractured. How did I do all of this? Bootcamp. Yep. The military. I joined the Navy and went to bootcamp. I'll try to make it quick, but I was a runner before I went there so I knew the physical aspect of it wouldn't bother me...so about 4 weeks in when I got horrible pains in my lower legs and they would swell after a day of marching around like a wackadoodle and my left foot was swollen too, I knew something wasn't right. So, I'd go to ship sick call or medical and all I'd ever hear was "It is just shin splints," and I'd be given an LLD chit (limited/light duty) and an Ice chit so I could ice them whenever we were in our "ship". Well, about a week before graduation, I decided to go to SSC again because I was still having pains and no improvement. Thank God a PT was also there that day and asked me to jump. When I couldn't jump, he immediately sent me to medical with paperwork ordering a bone scan (nothing ever showed on x-rays, obviously). The next morning I had a bone scan and I was covered in them. I was then sent away from my division, not graduating, and stuck in a sad and tiny place where they put "broken" recruits w/ injuries while healing or possibly being sent home. I did PT there for the next month before I decided I wouldn't be able to pass my running test in time before they sent me home anyways, so I just asked my doctor to let me go ahead and go.
I have not been the same since then. After months of being off my feet unless needed and therapy, I still would have to stop after walking around the mall/shopping because of the pains in my legs (mainly my right; much more severe). Well, last year I thought I had moved on! My bone pain was almost non-existent and so, I started to walk/run again. I could feel where I had the fractures but started wrapping/compressing my shins and felt a ton of relief....then I joined TNT. Still, fine....until the 5k with no wrap/compression. Literally, this past week (until this afternoon), I have struggled to even walk. I was having to walk in an abnormal fashion just to move faster than a snail. This morning my legs hurt even more (probably cause I walked around the princess expo Friday afternoon in flip flops-duhhh), and I went to breakfast and walmart with my mom and in walmart I just told her, "I can't do it! Gotta go home!'. I came home, took 1600mg of ibuprofen and iced both of my legs for 2 hours (rotating the ice pack every 15 minutes of course). After that, they finally started to feel normal.
I am still having pains tonight, not as severe as earlier this week, but still pain...and shooting pains...in my boooooooooones. If you've had bone pain, you know what I'm talking about and I'd rather my muscles hurt any day. What is worrying me now is that my TNT recommitment is next Thursday, 3/3, and I'm scared if I recommit and this pain continues or, Heaven forbid, increases, that I won't be able to actually run the race....not to mention I'm still freaking out about having to raise another $1,300. It's taken me forever to raise that and I, as a full time student w/ no income, can not afford to pay that out of my pocket. So....what do I do?? I've been praying but I still feel very conflicted. I fell as if I will be letting SOOO many people down if I don't recommit, not to mention myself. But, if I recommit and I push through and get injured (more), I'll pay for it forever (and I really want to do Maui in Sept and Nike in Oct!!!!).
Ugh. I just don't know what to do. :-/
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Well, ok then...
Oh, some of you already know I tried to start a blog to keep track of my training and fundraising. Well, that didn't last. I had good intentions for it, I really did, but as much as I love running and being a part of all of this, I just couldn't write about it everyday and felt bad about it. So, I decided to just start my own personal blog where I can write about whatever I feel like...including running and fundraising. Ok, if you're going to follow me, awesome! But let me tell you some things first....I'm probably going to use bad words and if that offends you, then you don't have to follow me. Of course it won't be every other word, but it's going to happen. Next, I'm not on here to stir the pot and piss people off. I am here to empty my thoughts. If I vent on here, take it for just that: venting. I'm a pretty cool person (I like to think so anyways) so I hope you stick around...I'll probably be posting a lot of pictures of cupcakes and different crafts I'm working on and ask for your feedback and advice. I'll also probably post stuff about my fundraising too. So, get ready! I'm glad you're going to take this blogging adventure with me! :)
Xo,
Kb.
Xo,
Kb.
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